One-Step Woo Identification

Who are the woo-meisters? They're easy to identify. Given two sides, they're the ones that cite conspiracies.

Creationism: Here, it's the "Expelled" play. Legions of brilliant ID/creationist scientists are supposedly being fired or denied tenure. The possibility that these folks are simply inept, inane, or insane is not explored. The fact that this entire issue seems restricted to the U.S.A. is also ignored...no other country in the world would waste as much time and effort debating whether all viewpoints under the sun should be offered up for scientific debate. It's a democracy, we've got Oprah, and even the illiterates are "entitled to their opinions".

Below, the trailer for "Expelled". Check it out...eminent game-show-host/Nixon-speech-writer Ben Stein doesn't waste any time (16 seconds, to be precise) blaming "BIG SCIENCE" for the world's ills.



Global Warming: As above, thousands of institutions have conspired to shut the gates on the aspiring Einsteins of global warming denial. This argument is momentarily suspended, of course, when the denialists cite academic polls that supposedly show that large numbers of scientists agree with their point of view.

Anti-Vaccine Nuttery: Here it's Big Pharma. The multinationals want to poison our children and turn them autistic because...because...actually, I'm not sure why. It's not like the drug companies have expensive, existing treatments for autism. Maybe they're working on some. Perhaps Big Pharma is attempting to create a new generation of savants who can be employed by Big Pharma, churning out ever more insidious malady/treatment combos.

Given my tongue-tiedness, let's hear eminent scientists Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy elaborate...


The Moon Landing Hoax: Here it's NASA. Thousands of scientists, government officials, and Hollywood types were hired to fake six moon landings. Toss in one failure (Apollo 13) for realism, and the chance for future sequels. Kill off anyone who shows signs of whispering the truth to the public. Kill off all the NASA scientists who weren't aware of the absence of wind on the moon, too. And punch out the intrepid sleuths who are honing in on the truth....


9/11: Again, huge volumes of government officials conspired to 1) cause four large airplanes laden with Laden zombies (and a lot of fuel) to crash into various structures which 2) wouldn't have toppled without the assistance of planted explosives in order to 3) cause world-wide hatred of Muslims and sympathy for America, ushering in a new Golden Age for democracy. Forgetting about the tendency of metal reinforcement to weaken, if not melt, in high heat, George Bush's response...that of taking any and all actions that might inhibit expressions of sympathy...makes it clear that he had no foreknowledge of these sinister schemes.

HIV Denial: Again, Big Pharma with a malady/treatment combo that.....targets babies!!! Ingeniously, they cause AIDS with a cheapo drug called AZT, brainwash both the scientists and the public into believing the killer drug is actually the cure, and sell more of the drug. Fortunately, one progressive and enlightened society has seen through the lies...Thabo Mbeki's South Africa.

Suppression of Alien Technology: Who is behind this conspiracy? Is it the Russians? The Chinese? It's certainly not a traditional society where ghosts have long been engrained as the spooks of choice (Q: Why aren't there any aliens in Thailand? A: Because the aliens are afraid of the ghosts). It's the Americans, of course, who have appropriated and reverse-engineered all sorts of black technology from the myriad alien vehicles that never seem to crash-land outside the homeland. With the extraordinary efficiency of our efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan, how could anyone really doubt the presence of an alien assist?